No matter how careful that you are to avoid them, you’ll probably accumulate a few regrets in your lifetime. Whether they’re little or large, these painful memories of what could have been can haunt you, which makes it harder to take pleasure from present pleasures and undermining your confidence in your decision making. But what’s done is done. Short of creating a time machine and going back to fix your errors, is there anything you can do to overcome regret and proceed with a wholesome attitude? Yes, says recent research which compared different mental strategies for recovering from life missteps. A way of thinking about regrets, it turns out, helps us heal faster.
How to Get Over Regrets, According to Science
To figure out the best way to deal with life’s shoulda-coulda-wouldas, the research team asked study volunteers to try one of three interventions. A control group did nothing special, while one group was prompted to write down exactly what a compassionate and understanding friend might say about their regret. A final group was instructed to write about their own strengths and positive qualities.
You may think that talking up your good points was the fastest way to get over regret, but the results suggested otherwise. Forgiving yourself your faults and weaknesses appears to be more effective than telling yourself you don’t have many of them to start with.
“The results showed it was the people who wrote self-compassionately who felt more self-forgiveness, personal improvement and self-acceptance,” reports PsyBlog. “It turned out that accepting your flaws is better than trying to boost yourself up by focusing on positive qualities.”
“Not only does [self-compassion] better allow us to confront our regrets, it also enables us to see them in their true light. After all, we are all only human,” the post reminds readers.
It’s an interesting finding that dovetails with earlier research showing that self-compassion — essentially being nice to yourself and forgiving yourself your mistakes — is additionally an effective way to get over a far more specific kind of regret, namely the guilt that comes after procrastination.
So the next time you’re mentally beating yourself up for some significant life misstep, spare a thought for this study. Rather than ruminating with your weaknesses or talking up your strengths, your best bet is most likely to be your own good friend and simply accept your flawed human nature, forgiving yourself your errors.